Rumor Mill

CP MOTORSPORTS – MONTE DUTTON: THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN

 

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One of my favorite jokes was told me by a roommate in college. It’s about two little twin boys who decide they have “blossomed into manhood.”

It usually comes slower for the entitled sons of NASCAR.

Kyle Busch and Joey Logano are among the more unlikely fighters I know. As Rodney Dangerfield said in Back to School, “I’m not a fighter. I’m a lover.”

What amused me most were the Logano crewmen who watched Kyle Busch headed their way, smoke steaming from his ears and poked-out lips, and automatically assumed Busch was going to call Logano an, uh, “so-and-so,” or, in another translation, “a @#$%^&*+=!!!”

Then Logano was going to say something like, “Oh, yeah, well, I bet my dad can whip your dad!” Then, maybe, they’d all push and shove and pretend they were as mad as pro wrestlers.

Busch surprised them. He hauled off and took a poke at Logano that matched the outward pucker of his lips.

Startled, Logano’s gang lit into Busch, whose gang was occupied elsewhere, not having noticed that Logano’s Ford was parked in the OK Corral.

Now we all have something besides politics to talk about at the hardware store.

We adults should not be so hard on Busch and Logano. They’re only 14!

Have you noticed that the tough guys hardly ever have to fight? Tony Stewart, the Billy Martin of NASCAR, spent 18 years in Cup (Winston, Nextel, Sprint) and hardly ever fought anyone who wasn’t Robby Gordon.

Usually, even in fights, it’s not wrecking, it’s rubbing, and rubbing is racing.

So, while Busch’s sponsor is announcing that he did not reflect “the values of Mars Chocolate North America,” and we are all turning to each other and asking, “What in the wide, wide world of M&Ms are those?” fans are watching eyewitness video and turning to each other and saying, “Way cool.”

This will all blow over like winds of the Sahara.

In the very near future, both drivers will likely win races. When it is Busch’s turn, he will act thoughtful, dignified, sportsmanlike and clever, and all the columnists will peck away merrily and have a nice dinner on the way back to the hotel.

Then, shortly afterwards, another “New Kyle Busch” will emerge. It’s the longest-running western since Gunsmoke.

One day, these two really will blossom into manhood. Manhood will arrive with the first social security check.

Suspended adolescence lasts till about 50. It’s about that long for old sportswriters.

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