IN HIS WORDS, AN ENCORE - RON COLSON TELLS THE STORY OF A REAL CHI-TOWN BURNOUT

by Ron Colson    Tue, 2021-03-23 08:18

 

In the early part of the 2010s, CompetitionPlus.com staged "The War Stories Showdown," a fan vote competition where drag racing legends tell their stories of days gone by and the readers vote on the best story. Veteran Ron Colson participated in the event and with his passing recently, we opted to pull out of our archives on of his winning stories. - Editor



ron_colsonIn early summer of 1972 I made the change from driving for the Hoover Wheel Alignment T/F team to the Chi-Town Hustler funny car.  At that time the “Chi-Town” team was struggling with the transition from TorqueFlite to Lenco/Crowerglide.  By late summer Austin Coil had mastered the transition and we were able to divert some of our attention to the many promotional opportunities which existed.

One of the most interesting projects was a publicity gimmick for S-K Tools that would have us do one of the famous Chi-Town burnouts with Buckingham Fountain in the background.  A bit of Chicago lore for the uninitiated – the largest fountain in the world is Buckingham Fountain located in the center of Grant Park, downtown Chicago’s lakefront park.  It is the origination point of the fabled Route 66.  In later years it was a starting point for TV’s Amazing Race and it was showcased in the opening of every episode of TV’s Married With Children.

The plan was to do the burnout down Columbus Drive which runs through Grant Park with Buckingham Fountain, Lake Shore Drive, and the expanse of Lake Michigan in the background.  Upon arriving at the location in the midst of TV camera crews, newspaper photographers & reporters, and an army of Chicago policemen on security detail we observed that the asphalt on Columbus Drive resembled the North Atlantic during a winter storm.  We couldn’t even coast along that roadway without ripping the pan off the bottom of the engine.

Not wanting to trash our race car, but at the same time wanting to accommodate a media and security conglomerate that seem to be transitioning from dozens to hundreds, Coil and I came up with a “Plan B”.  I informed the police officer in charge of Grant Park security that we couldn’t carry out the original plan because of the incredibly rough pavement on Columbus Drive – a concept that he easily understood.  Then I explained that we could do the burnout on the sidewalk at the curbside of Columbus Drive. On either side of the opening in the trees that frame Buckingham Fountain the sidewalk is about 12 feet wide with parking meters at the curbside and a dense landscaping hedge on the other side.

By now the Security Officer is looking at me like I’m definitely not the brightest crayon in the box.  He wasn’t much more impressed when I told him that just a week before we had raced Don Schumacher in NC on a track that was only (both lanes) 26 ft. wide with a drainage ditch on the left and trees to the edge of the track on the right.  That track was further compromised by the fact that it reduced to one lane right after the finish line.

After lengthy discussion the police decided to avoid further debate by letting me (in their estimation) wreck Farkonas, Coil & Minick’s car and kill myself in the process – thereby avoiding further debate with an obviously crazy race car driver.

With Plan B now in place, we placed the Challenger on the sidewalk somewhat to the north of the landscaping opening that framed the courtyard around the historic fountain.  After starting the car Coil used a gargantuan water bottle to lay down a couple of stripes of water on the concrete of the sidewalk.  I eased into the water stripes and walked into the throttle to start the burnout.  I took the engine up to about 6500 rpm planning to hold that level across the opening to make maximum smoke for the camera crews.

Since 99.9% of the tracks of that era were all asphalt we had zero experience doing burnouts on concrete and I felt the car gaining traction and pulling the engine down so I walked into the throttle a little deeper.  I was barely to the opening in front of the fountain and I was already using way more throttle opening than I had ever used on a burnout – and the engine was starting to pull down again.  By the time I reached the photo-op opening in the landscaping the “little deeper” maneuver had been repeated many times and the usual conservative throttle opening was WFO.

We crossed in front of the Buckingham Fountain with plenty of Chi-Town style tire smoke and a great photo-op.  Our show-biz mission was assuredly a raging success.  The only problem?  Survival of the car & driver (in that order in Coil’s book) when we hit (did I say hit?) the other side.

Our entry into the 11 ft. opening between the far side landscaping and the corresponding parking meters that had been anticipated at about 60-70 mph was now occurring at about 130+ mph.  Plan B had called for stopping on brakes only but creating a new Plan C featuring a parachute looked pretty good as I entered that 11 ft. opening.  The thought of our parachute capturing 20 or 30 (or more) parking meters and the resulting carnage of meters and race car quickly took me back to Plan B.

Ultimately I was able to bring the car back to Earth on brakes only with no parking meter contact and everything remained in one piece.  Those of you that know Austin Coil know why it was important to my survival that I return the car to Austin in one piece after every escapade – either exhibition maneuver or quarter mile race.

This was just one of the many crazy situations that Austin and I got into in our three years together on the road.  The highlight of our competition side was sharing the 1974 IHRA Funny Car World Championship, but I think our craziest promotional stunt had to be the Chi-Town burnout on the sidewalk in the heart of Chi-Town.

 

 

 
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